A good start to the New Year

I have been delighted to find the New Year to be full of people who agree with me on some very important issues. One being my Fart Particle Theory and the other being my Squatter Theory.

For those who are unaware of my Fart Particle Theory, let me fill you in.

The argument that the FP Theory presents is that in order for your nose to recognize a scent it must come in contact with particles. A simple illustration of this would be smoke. You may not be able to visibly perceive smoke, but smoke is detected by your nose once enough particles are present in the air. This same concept applies to farts.
The most controversial aspect of this theory is the essence of the FP's. According to this theory, those fart particles are in fact pieces of feces (as logic would induce). This meaning, that as you smell a fart, you are actually inhaling feces (albeit small particles, but none the less...).
Obviously this is disgusting but despite my intensive research many people are still non-believers and even worse, don't mind smelling farts.

Fortunately, not even an hour after the clock struck 12 and it was officially the New Year, I had the opportunity to explain my FP Theory to both Brian and his friend Don and guess what? Total agreement. Of course, these are logical people.

My next theory is on squatters. There was much discussion on squatters a few years back and my opinion was of course that they were disgusting slobs who were destroying modern society. Yet again, my opinion was met with opposition.

I'll out line my Squatters Theory as well.

The Squatter Theory basically refers to women who choose to hover over public toilets opposed to sitting down. The idea is that public toilets are too dirty and therefor one's baby soft buttocks can not handle the act of sitting on the porcelain throne. The problem with this idea is that women who squat, without exception, also spray. Their urine becomes sprinkled all across the seat creating in fact- a dirty toilet. The thing is, these "squatters" are the ones making the toilet such a mess. If everyone just chose to sit, there wouldn't be urine all over the fucking bathroom, it would just go into the bowl and be flushed away. Squatters are creating unsanitary environments for all nonconformist.

I have brought this up many a time without meeting many people who agree yet not even two days into the New Year, I bring my theory up to this girl at a bar and wouldn't you know, I found a person who agrees.

Now I don't know if its 2011 or maybe it's just the South, but I am refreshed to find so many logical people.