how to loose friends and alienate people

It has been an eventful weekend; a roller coaster of emotions.

Friday night was a bust as you might have read in my last post or on my facebook wall but Saturday took the cake.

It started all well and good. I represented the athletics department at a visitation day for seniors in high school. While there, a handsome English professor came over and introduced himself. We shook hands, exchanged pleasantries and I felt the need for some reason to shake his hand again. I just stuck out my hand and he looked a bit confused but shook my hand again. At the time I didn't consider how strange it was for me to shake hands with him twice in a matter of 3 minutes but in retrospect I have to admit, I am a fuckin' weirdo. Anyways... I just found him on facebook and I'm going to friend request him because why the hell not.

After the visitation day I had to go take the my boss' dog for a walk. She had a volleyball tournament in Kentucky and left early Friday morning and wouldn't be back till late Saturday night. All I had to do was go over, walk the dog, give her a little food and put her back in the crate.
That seemed too simple. The powers of be thought, "How can we make this task more difficult for Adrienne?"
I'll tell you how. I lost the dog. I opened the door and like a jack ass I turned my back to the dog for one second and she bolted out the door. I tried getting her and she ran further away. I tried to sneak up behind her and flush her towards the house but in the process I lost sight of her. At the same moment my boss called asking me how it was going. I considered lying. Old honesty won out though and I had to fess up that I just lost her dog. She started crying. My mind started running a million miles a minute, "fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck..."
The assistant softball coach came over to help me look for her. We walked and drove around the neighborhood for two hours.
Finally my boss' boyfriend, who lives in Alabama and had to drive an hour to get there, showed up. We drove around for two hours. I finally had to leave because it was dark and I had to return the car I was borrowing.
I was positive that I was going to be heading back to MA because there was no way I was going to be able to work here after loosing my boss' dog, but alas, nearing 11 o'clock I got a call. The dog was found, my future was saved. Way to go me.

Come Sunday and I am working at the deli. One of my least favorite parts of working at the deli is the owners baby. He is always there and us waitresses always have to entertain him to keep him from crying. I suppose there are worse babies out there, more demanding babies who cry more, but to me, not being an owner of any such babies, any crying in a baby is too much crying in a baby. I was on my own today so I had to do the entertaining myself.
I was getting kind of fed up with it. He was whimpering and making baby noises just to get my attention. It annoyed me. Well, discomfort breeds inspiration.
I discovered the best way to keep a child from crying.

Adrienne's Guide to Child Care

Lesson One: When A child wants senseless attention

Step One: Turn baby away so you are no longer in its line of sight.
Step Two: There is no step two. If the kid can't see you, it doesn't know you're there and wont try to annoy you.